For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her

A Note on Dream Symbols

For Emily — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 23:08:00 +0000

I wanted to avoid interjecting much personal opinion on this blog and let the dreams do the talking themselves, but I find it necessary to comment on symbols following the dream I had this previous night. Obviously I remain committed to following my dreams chronologically, to the best of my ability, and as such won’t include the description of that dream until its time comes. However, it is of note because it prominently featured a symbol, sharpening stones, that appeared for the first time (consciously) in the most current dream posted on this website.

Since my general approach to dreams is to accept that, as long as I am dreaming, they take place in something which could be considered “reality,” objects that appear in them will have both an objective quality as well as a subjective quality – much as we can imagine that a flower in real life has an objective quality (it is a flower whether I consider it or not, and its nature is not relative to myself) and a subjective quality (I consider the flower, and as such it’s nature is relative to myself). When we encounter an object in our dreams that we can say is “symbolic” we shouldn’t be content with only considering what that symbol means in general.

This is why going online, or browsing books at the bookstore, for “dream dictionaries” can, depending on the quality of information, offer some guidance in interpreting dream symbols. However, we also have to consider what that object means to us personally. Sharpening stones may indicate any number of things in dreams: their stoney nature tends to get credited with a sense of the eternal, and the fact that it is used to sharpen knives is loaded with potential meaning related to development of skills, intellect, and the process of decision making. In conjunction with these potential meanings, though, I should also consider what sharpening stones mean to me both in the past and in the present. Only after considering these matters should I return to the original “definition” to begin analyzing what that symbol may mean within the greater context of the dream – which also may affect the potential meaning of the symbol. A sharpening stone in a dream that centers around working as a chef is likely to take on a slightly different meaning than a sharpening stone that appears out-of-place, or only incidentally.

I will not attempt to analyze what exactly sharpening stones mean to me in this space. The essential thing to understand is that while there may be something of a “static” meaning behind certain objects and people we encounter in our dreams, it would be derelict to ignore the fluidity of meaning we attach to objects both in our waking life and in our dream life.

Two Missed Dreams

For Emily — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 05:05:56 +0000

These two dreams were overlooked earlier, and are out of chronological order.

C. was there Somewhat like Virginia, Colonial Williamsburg in the winter – but different. I’ve been there before. I can’t remember much, just that people were getting in trouble. At one point we were making meatballs, there was a lot of mince to use.

October 29th, 2010. Third Quarter (54%)

I was in a warehouse-like building. I can’t remember what it was for. There were three women sitting at a table together – I recognised them as friends. I took pictures of them and they were laughing.

October 31st, 2010. Waning Crescent (31%)

Shopping for Sharpening Stones

For Emily — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 17:21:57 +0000

I was looking at a website for sharpening stones. I wanted to find one that didn’t require oil, but was also around $15. Needless to say, I wasn’t very successful. There were some very strange ones, though. I also remember the girl who works at Subway being in the dream, but I can’t remember the context.

November 7th, 2010. Waxing Crescent (5%)

Houseboats & Breaking In

For Emily — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 04:06:18 +0000

There was a longer and more involved dream than I remember. I was walking to a house, but to get there I had to walk along a dock with spaces for houseboats. I had been there earlier in the dream and all the spaces were full of houseboats then, but now they are mostly empty. I threw a knitted hat into the water. It looked a lot like V.’s hat.

The house was dark. I got inside, but I don’t think I was supposed to be there – like I was breaking in. I heard a car and people outside. I tired to get out without them seeing me. I go through the basement and try to get out of the crawl space, but it’s too small. I’m stuck until I find a place I can wriggle out of. But this puts me right in front of their car. They all look surprised and I nervously explain that I was looking for B.C., who was one of the people in the car.

November 4th, 2010. Waning Crescent (1%)

Everything has to be in the right context…

For Emily — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 03:57:46 +0000

“Everything has to be in the right context and in the right proportionality. It is our consciousness which enables us to achieve this right balance of proportionality. When our consciousness is fully present, when we are mindful of our being, then even those emotions we call negative emotions will be accommodated in their right measure. This requires skillfulness, and these emotional, psychological, social, and spiritual skills are developed through dedicated practice. But first, we have to dream!”

Satish Kumar, Earth Pilgrim

A Commute, a Bead Store, & Fear of a Subway

For Emily — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 03:54:59 +0000

I was in a house. It was nighttime. A woman was there and told me I had to go to work, to a hospital. She drove me for a bit. I had to go into the city, I needed to take a subway but she kept saying it wasn’t safe and that I’d need an escort to get out of the subway station. I text a number which signs me in as being at work, but I’m not there yet.

I’m at a bead store instead, with the woman who was driving me and a man. He reiterates how important it is for me to be careful with the subway. In the end, I never make it to the hospital, at least not that I remember.

It’s early morning. I’m in bed after being up all night. There are people coming and going – someone is sitting on the bed but I’m too tired to be bothered.

October 28th, 2010. Waning Gibbous (64%)

A Serious Update

For Emily — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 02:08:36 +0000

I’m not sure if anyone really checks this thing any more, and I don’t blame them. I became consistently worse in my updates. It has been nearly two weeks since my last post. I would like to offer an explanation on why exactly this has been so.

Recently I met a woman in my waking-life that had remarkably similar qualities as my dream-life Emily. This isn’t all together too surprising – Emily derives her name from a real-life Emily. What was surprising, however, was the subsequent chain reaction of introspection. I had the pleasure of meeting her, which was followed by a spike in time spent contemplating another form of Emily, namely from waking-life daydreams. This eventually led to a revelation about both daydream and dream Emily. The revelation was exhilarating, as they often are. However, over a few days the revelation unraveled to an extent. Over the last few weeks, though, it has been reforming itself in a modified form. Several evenings ago a few experiences triggered something in my mind, and my thoughts worked out the process to resolution.

Now, I can’t really say it’s the sort of ground-breaking resolution that changes my life – though I certainly hope it has a positive effect on my day-to-day experiences. Nevertheless, the process to get there was somewhat exhausting and required a significant amount of introversion. During this time I was also loathe to think about Emily outside of the context of the prevailing train of thought. If you continue reading this blog, you will see in the next few weeks that during this time period my dreams were increasingly violent and aggressive, which is unusual. This wasn’t a bad thing, as it was a new emotion that could be traced through my subconscious. All of this allowed me to come to a resolution about my relationship with the Emily character with minimal external influences. In the end this led to my lack of focus on this blog.

This doesn’t mean, however, that I’m done with this website. In fact, the whole point of it was to encourage me to focus more heavily on Emily and, more importantly, a particular emotional response I experience through Emily, and through other things in my waking life, without the noise of external influences. It is, ultimately, a form of therapy. Even if no one reads these posts, it archives them in a way that is both public and honest. Dreams kept in a notebook can be read and re-read, but they can also be thrown away. While I suppose I could delete this account and, with it, all the dreams, it is more a symbolic act. By recommitting to this blog it allows me to recommit to continued self-awareness, the whole point to the begin with. Just because we reach some sort of resolution does not mean that the whole problem is solved.

I am quite sorry if anyone does like reading these posts and was let down by the lack of them over the recent weeks. I will try and recommit, and I hope you enjoy.

- Will

A Yard Sale

For Emily — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 05:15:38 +0000

I was in England. There was a yard sale going on, with tons of bric-a-brac. Very British items. Lots of Wellies and teapots. I wanted to buy something but there were no prices on anything. I didn’t want to ask how much anything cost – I was reticent to spend any money. There were some slippers that cost about 3 pounds 50, which I thought was reasonable. But they were ugly and I realised I didn’t need them.

When I turned around most of the items were gone and they were closing up the sale. I looked around, the sale was on an upward sloping grassy hill overlooking a bluff.

Next I was in a supermarket – maybe Whole Foods – with a kiosk full of odd items.

October 24th, 2010.

School, Group Therapy, Watching a Plane

For Emily — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 15:18:45 +0000

I’m at school. It’s a strange place, though. Maybe it’s in Britain. I’m taking a class with H.

I get a collect phone call from S., but I never really get to talk to her – she sounds strange on the phone, not like I remember.

I’m in a class, but it’s really a group therapy. A. is there. She’s opening up – something about abuse and mental instability. Everyone is having a go, and I’m waiting for my turn. Someone else joins the class late. When it gets to my turn he interjects himself and goes on about his life. He takes so long the class ends. Everyone else has opened up and looks relieved, and I’m the only one not able to open up to everyone.

I’m walking through campus. I see planes doing stunts in the sky. I think it might be Virgin’s new commercial space flight running practices. I’m really happy that I got to see it. Later when I’m telling two people about it, they don’t understand or believe me (hard to tell which). They tell me they are a pilot and a steward, so it seems strange to me that they wouldn’t know about Virgin’s space flights.

October 23rd, 2010.

Dentist, Pennine, A Party, and Work

For Emily — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 15:15:06 +0000

I was waiting at the dentist to have my teeth looked at, but they cancel at the last minute.

I’m at Pennine, now, and it’s only a day or two before I leave. I’m sort of packed and ready, but I feel very unprepared. I want to try and see some people, but it’s difficult for some reason. I go to bed but I can’t sleep at all. Eventually it’s 6 AM, and I haven’t slept at all through the night.

I do some more packing, and while that’s going on a few friends invite me to their place. When I get there it’s a pretty large party, with a lot of people trying to fit into a small room. They are all excited about how many people showed up, but I hate it. I just want to go.

Next thing I’m working. The computer is acting up. There’s a customer trying to buy a lot of strange things that aren’t in the register. It’s taking forever and a line is forming. I’m very uncomfortable and force myself to wake up.

October 22nd, 2010.